The great Martin Scorsese once said: “…On the one hand, you're the same person, but as you get older, you change somewhat, and you never know how it's going to affect your work.” He is as wise a man as he is brilliant a filmmaker. I am constantly reminded of his statement as a monumental occasion approaches less than 30 days from when I write this. My 30th birthday. I know, I know, this may not be a big deal to a lot of you. Its just a number, just another year people say. Well that may very well be true, but to me it feels big and I feel old. Had you asked me 5 years ago or 15 years ago when I got into this insane filmmaking thing to describe myself at 30, I would have quickly answered that I would have been somewhere in Hollywood making some large budget film. I was aiming to be the first director to make both a James Bond and Star Trek (laugh all you want, I love Star Trek) film. Of course, like most people I’ve learned a lot through many hard knocks.
Though I am not famous, not even close to rich and I never saw myself where I am today, I must admit that life has been good to me. I am married to a wonderful, supportive and understanding woman. I have a beautiful son who makes the sun rise with his smile. And I still get to do what I love to do: Tell stories. And I am not telling the stories I used to tell. My approach to making movies has changed. I am far less aggressive with the content—in film school it all had to be blood and gore, but that may have just been a phase or it may have been that I now tell stories in context to where my life has taken me. My films are the expressions of my life. At the time I made The Meatball Story I was angry, very angry and a lot of my anger was focused through the dark humor in the film and the sarcastic nature of the Dario character. When I wrote Truant Café I was hurt, confused and I wanted to settle a score. And since I could not settle in the real world, I would settle it through a film. Ashita explores themes of humanity, solitude and relationships. I think that being married and having experienced the rollercoaster rides of making my two previous films as well as CinemaFix a TV pilot—making the pilot was a truly awful experience, it really demonized me as a director and as a person. CinemaFix was the first time that I truly did not like the person I had become. After making that pilot I realized the monster I had become while making the show and I became very introverted and reflective. The truth is that I suffered a major depression while in post production of Truant Café and I was scared to relapse after CinemaFix, thus I started thinking long and hard about where I wanted to go with my life. I was dangerously close to quitting outright and not wanting to work on another project again. But, like any other artist my soul is embedded in my art. I couldn’t walk away, it would be like asking me to stop breathing. I love telling stories and making movies. Instead of quitting I began some deep introspection and with that the stories of Ashita were born as was my new perspective on my art. With the help of my wife making Ashita helped me discover my humanity.
Being a father brings me to new levels of humanity so who knows what stories and films the 30 years will bring me. Either way when I grow up I want to make movies.
Though I am not famous, not even close to rich and I never saw myself where I am today, I must admit that life has been good to me. I am married to a wonderful, supportive and understanding woman. I have a beautiful son who makes the sun rise with his smile. And I still get to do what I love to do: Tell stories. And I am not telling the stories I used to tell. My approach to making movies has changed. I am far less aggressive with the content—in film school it all had to be blood and gore, but that may have just been a phase or it may have been that I now tell stories in context to where my life has taken me. My films are the expressions of my life. At the time I made The Meatball Story I was angry, very angry and a lot of my anger was focused through the dark humor in the film and the sarcastic nature of the Dario character. When I wrote Truant Café I was hurt, confused and I wanted to settle a score. And since I could not settle in the real world, I would settle it through a film. Ashita explores themes of humanity, solitude and relationships. I think that being married and having experienced the rollercoaster rides of making my two previous films as well as CinemaFix a TV pilot—making the pilot was a truly awful experience, it really demonized me as a director and as a person. CinemaFix was the first time that I truly did not like the person I had become. After making that pilot I realized the monster I had become while making the show and I became very introverted and reflective. The truth is that I suffered a major depression while in post production of Truant Café and I was scared to relapse after CinemaFix, thus I started thinking long and hard about where I wanted to go with my life. I was dangerously close to quitting outright and not wanting to work on another project again. But, like any other artist my soul is embedded in my art. I couldn’t walk away, it would be like asking me to stop breathing. I love telling stories and making movies. Instead of quitting I began some deep introspection and with that the stories of Ashita were born as was my new perspective on my art. With the help of my wife making Ashita helped me discover my humanity.
Being a father brings me to new levels of humanity so who knows what stories and films the 30 years will bring me. Either way when I grow up I want to make movies.
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